My Heroes are all dead or dying January 20, 2009

All my heroes are all dead or dying. They’ve either shot themselves in the foot and bleed out or have been revealed a fictitious and are coming to a slow and painful demise. Their corpse float along my consciousness battering themselves against the beach. Their last words are not poignant but just mere cries for something better. No wonder I look to comic books and movies to find hero’s that will not fail me. Hero’s only live long enough to watch themselves become the villains. 

So for now maybe I’ll be my own Hero.

The gaining of Innocence January 20, 2009

 

When did we stop being kids? When did we forget? What happened to the innosence of love, joy, hope, and desire leave us? When did we become static held in our own prisons waiting for the next big thing to come along?

I for one will not stand for this! I will not be bound by these rules and expectations. These blockaids of responsibilty that inhibit my soul. May I never stop watching Saturday Morning Cartoons. Put too much sugar on everything. Wear a coat no matter how cold it is. Stop wiping my nose on my sleeves. Find glory in that extra minute I get to stay up. smash a frozen puddle. Throw walnuts at cars. Stop climbing trees. Build a fort. Crush crisp leaves. Playing with my food. sharpen a stick. Feel the tingles up to my nose and down to my tose at every kiss. Smile because. Wrestle my dad. Love just because.

Exploring the Great Abyss January 19, 2009

“Good luck exploring the great abyss” he says. And as I sit thinking about what that means to me I see that exploring the beautiful and infinite is just a thin line away from giving it all up and falling into an abyss. This leads to great discoveries and immense loss. I may wag one finger but I’m white knuckles holding onto the very same thing. My exploration is one of complete darkness and blinding light. The light is where I want to be but without the darkness I wouldn’t even know what the light is. The idea of the infinite can be absolutely belittling. I become so small but that’s what I need something to make realize how small I am in order to know how big I can become.

 

Fuck, this hurts so much. 

I know it hurts. That’s life. If nothing else, It’s life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.

When we Fell January 19, 2009

When we fell who was put in charge? My vote was never counted; there was no democratic process. It’s too easy to point the finger at something or someone else. But with that let me point an angry finger at the state of humanity, at the Church, and at Christianity and its theologians. In our desperation we turned to something that was suppose to give us life. You failed, you failed us all. We put everything we had left in you and you took that hope and broke into thousands of pieces leaving our scattered remanent to be swept up by those more welcoming addictions. The band aids were used to put us back together, a fragile human. Now we walk with all our cracks showing leaving chipped piece where ever we wonder. 

So for all of us who put our hopes in these fleeting religions and quick buzzes brought on by our desire for wholeness; know that you are not whole and will never be. So stop peddling your bull shit. Your nothing more than door to door salesmen pawning your vacuum cleaners to suck up our souls. We no longer need these solicitations into our lives,your magical elixirs and encyclopedias. Get behind me Satan.